Authenticity. Transparency. Integrity. These are the reasons I write and share. In hopes that my journey – the joys and disappointments, but mostly the learning – will serve you too on your path.
Driving Without a Map
In choosing a non-traditional love paradigm with no clear road map, fears and shadows are likely to sneak around the corners of my awareness. For me, shadow work reflects the teaching from Caroline Myss that, “all thoughts are prayers or daggers.” For every “dagger” that floats through my consciousness, aimed at myself or others, I know there’s a shadow aspect of myself to explore and to integrate. Each journey to the depths of self-knowing takes me further towards the path of light. Every discovery takes me deeper into breathing and BEing Love in each moment. I still have far to go on my journey, but I am willing. I believe this is one path to freedom, the freedom to be who I AM.
This self-discovery offers the opportunity to learn to love myself unconditionally, which is the only strong foundation for unconditionally loving others without ownership and expectations.
Self-love is the essential foundation to hold the joyful fountain of my flowing Love-for-All.
I had a little shadow sneak out of my mouth the other night. I could feel the fear and irrationality sneak into my awareness. I could taste tart accusation on my tongue. “Oh, hello, fear of abandonment.” That voice is never pretty. As always, I take it to the page. Armed with journal and Tarot, I asked, “Show me my shadow in this.”
Into Sacred Union
The most surprising thing happened, one of the lightest cards in this deck. This:
So I got curious. What could come of this? It looks like a wedding reception. Though it’s sweet enough, I consciously avoid the politics and legalities of marriage as a personal choice. But still there’s this: a part of my soul desires sacred union, in a context of community, with joy and celebration.
Before we go further, I want to honor here and now Dana’s willingness to co-create sacredness with me through all these years without the formality of a social ritual. That has always felt just right for us both. It may very well continue to be so, as this query is really about this discovery I am sharing. And more on that…
Going deeper, in my world, sacred union is not limited to “the one,” so we get to make it up and design it when and how we wish, if ever, as a community vision. For now, sacredness is a day-to-day way of BEing that feels just right. We can choose to expand, or not, as we wish.
As each lover enjoys the freedom of wildly authentic love-expressions, Love expands for All. Freedom allows for Love’s expansion in a way that ownership of another will never permit.
What of sacred? In this moment, I am aware that the perception of sacredness is a monitor for how I am in relation to my own consciousness. How could any person, place, thing, or experience be anything other than sacred? When I am out of balance within myself, things can certainly seem less than sacred, perhaps even threatening, but that has only to do with me and my perceptions in the moment. It happens when I fall out of faith, with myself, with my world.
Everything is sacred? What then of cruelty and evil?
How may I reconcile those things that make me want to look away, run, get angry, fight? Ah, when they are big and hairy and “out there” in the world and in the media, they suck enough. But what about when they come out of my own mouth… the accusation, the manipulation… oh, yes, it has been known to happen.
Whether the shadow be global or personal, there’s always value in taking it to the page. The outward manifestations that I cannot be with still have something to teach me of my shadow. I cannot change everything in the world, but I can change what lies within. I can change my perceptions so that they align with peace. It’s my work to integrate the duality of love and evil into the whole of my being, to stare the challenges I witness deeply in the face, and to elevate my consciousness to bring new perspectives and solutions.
So Why Pick the Wiggly-Way?
Polyamory and free love? Ugh, so messy and complicated!
In my perception, much of our social conditioning around relationships (love, intimacy and sexuality) seems misguided if not broken. For me, I choose to see my relationships as an opportunity to play all out with what Love would have me do, to surrender to the energies of Love, in a context much broader than having the expectation that another person will meet all of my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs.
This blog post began as an impulsive facebook post. Several people shared amazing insights, challenges, support and grace, and I am so grateful to them all. Alluvia Love, who you may remember as a guest-blogger from last March shared this wisdom (and much more amazement actually):
Relationships/connections are primarily about Love over any individual’s needs and when Love is allowed to lead, individual needs are met. This is possible because Love, and not ego, determines the way individual needs are met in accordance with the needs of the Universal whole. ~ Alluvia Love
This feels so totally yummy! In my too-brief moments of enlightenment, when I let Love lead in choosing the ways that my life unfolds – in relationship to myself and with others – I feel the deep, fierce power of my Surrender. This definitely feels more freeing, light and love-filled. It’s because of vibration. Ego’s density mucks everything up. Love’s path enlivens us all and feeds the “Universal whole” for the greater good of All.
One of the things I love about having a more free-love approach to life is that I get the amazing honor of having more mirrors in my life, to show me where I may clear away gunk within and where I may shine my light even more brightly. Coming into my own sense of self and empowerment allows me to completely enjoy the others in my life in a free-flowing way that honors me and honors them. I still have a lot to learn and experience, but I DO enjoy the journey.
If you’d like to explore shadow-work in a fun way, I recommend these resources among many awesome ones:
- Debbie Ford’s The Dark Side of the Light Chasers: Reclaiming your Power, Creativity, Brilliance, and Dreams
- Byron Katie’s Loving What Is: Four Questions that can Change your Life
By the way, one of our beloved Reiki community members, Joy Day, will be offering a workshop on Byron Katie’s work here at OdaBe in Reno on January 9-10 (Friday evening and all-day on Saturday). Joy studied directly with Byron Katie, and this will be a powerful, profound, life-changing weekend for all who choose to come. Contact me if you’re interested in coming. Space will be limited. I’ll send more information very soon.