Today we have a guest blog post by Marilee Wintz, one of our Reiki Masters and noted creative in our community and nationally. Marilee is an interior designer, photographer, painter, writer, author, mosaic artist, pottery maker, spa products maker, hiker, mountain biker, happy camper, world traveler, and so much more. I seriously have no idea how she can have so much energy. She owns two highly successful businesses, Sage Interiors and Beauty Inspires. Beauty Inspires is an appreciation and awe of nature, color, beauty, people’s spirit and our connection to the earth and each other. Marilee’s long held belief that “Beauty Inspires” is a sense that meaningful beauty awakens the heart and soul to living well. I believe.
When Marilee posted her story, “Liaison to the Light,” on facebook, I knew I wanted to share it with you. To me, it’s just beautiful, profound,magical and amazing.
And here’s her story.
Liaison to the Light
by Marilee Wintz
Nyctophilia (n.) love of darkness or night, finding relaxation or comfort in the dark.
“To me every hour of the light and the dark is a miracle.” Walt Whitman
Sweet Sun. Circling the earth’s axis on daily rhythms that give us much practice adjusting to the extreme swings of light to dark and back again. Oh, I am so grateful for the daily pendulum of yin and yang.
Sitting on a sandy beach overlooking the Pacific Ocean, I was facing a moment of truth. As many times as the sun had sunk into the western horizon in my life, I despised sunset, the end of the day, the darkness. As a photographer, sunsets can be an amazing opportunity, but I never did capture them on film for the fear it would be the last, or some kind of superstition kept me from appreciating the ending of the day… Is there some lasting promise that the sun will rise? As final rays of sun say goodbye for the day, I wonder if I will be swallowed and eaten alive by the insatiable darkness. My demons arrive in full force at dusk reminding me of civilization’s clenching black fist trying to pound me into submission and pure blackness suffocating me with how hard it is to live.
That July evening, I reached for the iphone and snapped a picture of the waves of sand, ocean mist hanging in the air between the late days rays and my wet eyes. Soft, sultry sun on the western horizon reflecting off the ocean waves crashing and surprisingly, I fell in love with the orange glow of light warming my face and toes. This was not a harsh light, but soft and inviting candlelight glow, casting long shadows on the ridges of sand. Sands of time sifted through my toes.
As it turned out, my father’s hourglass was running out of sand, and I knew it all too well. Within three months his spirit lifted off the earth, and this is why I had to face the setting sun, to know myself how he would feel walking into the sunset of his life. In a long, meditative silence I perceived the sunset as a wholesome, satisfying warmth that enveloped my entire, body and soul. The waves of amber stretched for miles across the ocean, around the earth floating on the fullness of life fading into nothingness but yet wholeness, so I felt a peace that dad would walk into light.
Completely bewildered by this sunset meditation, I began to flirt and play with sunsets and the dark of night. Although there is never a promise of finding your way in darkness, I am sure of this: there is always light in the blackest of nights. Whether it be the glow of a good heart, a reflection of a good friend’s guiding light, sparks of ignition of new ideas and inspiration and yes, even fires in that place called hell.
Speaking of hell, maybe that is why we are afraid of the darkness. Stories of the flame, how bad people go there, eternal torture may be enough to keep us away from our “shadow”. In truth, I think hell exists here on earth, and in each and everyone of us. It is a daily choice of lightness or darkness how our shadow casts on the earth and on others.
“I know full well that shadow expressions in ourselves, others, our families and communities, in our world… well, they can be quite hurtful, harmful and frightening. It’s been so easy for me to react from a place of fear. But I know the way in and out of shadow is always love. And setting healthy boundaries is an expression of self-love. That counts too. May your shadow and light remind you of your worthiness this day.”
Denise Sheehan, Shaman Reiki Master
To face your shadow, or face the darkness in your life, in your family, community, or on this earth is a very adult- kick- ass- kinda thing to take on. Anyone who has walked this path would likely agree about depths of the transformation while spiritual sociopaths who cling to the next new age agenda run for safety when the dark truth strikes.
By no means am I a guru or shaman, my credentials are that I work hard to be a “normal person” and along my path, gained some wisdom and a second chance at life where my renewed contract on earth was to share my insights and to inspire people to live their best life.
I have danced with the Devil, oh yeah! That steel hard body fella with six pack abs, long male tresses, sexy as hell – oh what the hell, go for a ride with the Devil and dance the night away. . . only to wake up smothered in ashes, soot and ground into a pulp of confusion and madness.
I have walked hand in hand with Darkness, she swallows you whole and takes pleasure in watching you squirm through the shadows, discovering yet more depths to her curvaceous magnitude. In this silent, opaque landscape, stop and breathe, sensing the warm glow from your heart, or a life-line tossed to you by fellow survivors. I’m casting you line. . .
I find the key is a subtle balance:
With intention, dance into a trance of personal fear and darkness but always sashay the answers in morning sun salutations.
Manhandle that frightening magnifying glass and look onto your life being honest about the shortcomings, failures, and fears followed by stitching it together in a newly woven coat of beautiful authenticity.
Stare blankly at the face of death and know in your heart the only difference is a thin veil of consciousness. Chase life with all your might knowing you have made friends with the veil of your darkest hour. How fortunate that you inhabit this beautiful body on this precious earth at this very perfect moment. You so worthy of constant flowing tides of darkness and lightness keeping you genuinely in sync with the truth of you.
I respectfully believe that YOU are so magnificent and YOU are stardust anchored on the earth with a mission, YOU are the morning sun and the vast landscape of humankind with the ability to manifest all kinds of beauty. To be the ladder of light for anyone stumbling through the dark . . .this takes no special training. Just have the courage to follow your heart into the flowing tides.
For all that you are, yes you, reading these words; I offer this humble vision, the voice that is hard to hear from the center of the sun:
In the very depths of despair, I am an ever-present seed that may seem as a spec of dust but if you blow off the stardust, polish me with kindness, cuddle me with compassion, you will feel the intense warmth of my glow deep in your soul. I AM a long-lasting sphere of massive energy, inspiration and above all breath of life – I am your liaison to the light. I am your infrared, visible, and ultraviolet light illuminating all darkness. But you must listen.
“I closed my mouth and spoke to you in a hundred silent ways.”