“As our minds are illumined, we become better at romance because we become better at being human. We become better at forgiveness and support and love. The enlightened world will not be one in which no one ever falls in love. The enlightened world will be one in which everyone is in love with everyone all the time. There will be no judgment, therefore no blocks to the awareness of love. We will see each other as God created us: as the perfect, loving and lovable people we really are at our core. The purpose of romantic love is to jump start our enlightenment.” ~ Marianne Williamson
Some of my former blog posts have focused on transitions in our collective relationship paradigms. I truly honor all paths and paradigms as valuable and cherished. I love that we have so many choices in creating consciousness in every aspect of our lives, and what could be more yummy than bringing that consciousness into relationships? I have explored a bit on the skinny branches the ways that love can show up even bigger, and I’ve learned some hard lessons around all that. I will share a little, in the interest of transparency and trust. Even poorly-kept secrets create barriers to intimacy. I share too because I know it takes courage to be authentic sometimes, and I want to model that courage, even if my knees quiver a bit. I want you to know that I am willing to encourage and support your own authentic light, as unique and distinct from mine, in all the inspired ways you BE.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi
First: an apology. For those whom I confused with my public displays of affection for more than one Beloved on Facebook and in community, I sincerely apologize. I get a little carried away at times, a consequence of my own creativity. Many clients and students felt safe enough to ask me about it so I could share openly, and I’m grateful for that.
For years I have identified as polyamorous. Polyamory means, literally, many loves, as in being open to more than one love at a time in a completely open and honest way (not lying, not cheating). In the broadest interpretation of polyamory, we open to expressions of love that include mental, emotional, sexual and/or spiritual intimacy, as reflections of the unique dynamic of each relationship. I haven’t talked about it in an open venue like this before, because I am much more than poly. It doesn’t define me. Plus there is much confusion within and about poly-identified people. Many people have been hurt in the context of unconscious poly-relationships gone bad. The same is true for monogamous relationships, of course. There’s much healing of our hearts to be done within the collective, that’s for sure.
Perhaps, rather, I choose to be the spokesperson for wildest authenticity, of accepting responsibility for my choices and actions, and for living life fully. Poly is a part of that for me, as a significant part of my spiritual and creative expressions and explorations. In these years I have tasted the most delicious intimacy with my Love, Dana, that I live with and share a full-time life with. I have also had amazing love-dances and friendships with others who identify as poly. Can you imagine a more free-thinking, creative bunch? I can’t. And I would know. Imagine my life… I love others. They love others. Who also love others. And I love them too, even if from a distance, but sometimes, even sweeter, we share in expanded family. There’s the potential to create a beautiful web of love, joy, and bliss when we love in this way. As wonder-filled and utopic as this many sound, it’s definitely not the path for everyone. And it’s definitely not a prescription for an ailing relationship. Not at all.
Conscious evolution through relating provides the greatest challenges and the greatest bliss. Follow your heart, and know that all is well. ~ Socha
For nine years, I have enjoyed an amazing partnership, beyond any borders I knew in my former monogamous life. Dana and I have learned Reiki and shamanism together, explored past lives, assisted two family members (and others) in transitioning beyond the physical realm, and created this amazing home, OdaBe, a sacred sanctuary where we teach and play, create, connect deeply with nature – where we enjoy life.
Soul-full relationships are not the easy ones. ~ Socha
Expansive energies can create unintended ripples in our relationships. No matter how conscious we may be in our relating and no matter what relationship paradigm we choose, we are still subject to jealousy, hurt, and fears of abandonment, all as part of the human condition. I am not evolved. I know nothing of perfection in relating. I don’t think any of us really signed on for that. I wish to acknowledge my past, present, and future Beloveds, family and friends for riding the waves of change with me, for showing up so beautifully, sometimes tragically, and always authentically. I am so honored by the love I feel and the love that we create. Day by day, I embrace even deeper expressions of how love shows up.
As I surrender to love, allowing love to guide my life, I experience more and more joy, amazement and miracles. I also witness deeper shifts in consciousness for myself and for those who bless me by being in my life.
During all these transitions, I challenged myself to show up as love each and every day, to the best of my ability. Some days proved more fruitful and harmonious than others. It’s true that my thoughts and actions have created negative ripples in the fabric of the Universe. In other words, I’ve caused pain. And I felt pain too. Still, I always begin my day by asking, “What would love have me do?” As I’ve grown in wisdom and created more harmony within, more harmony comes into being in my life and in my relationships. And that often means allowing relationships to transform on their own evolutionary path, without trying to control their destinies.
Our evolutionary path is about following our deepest heart-knowing rather than following a map created or held by others. I am eternally blessed to know and follow my heart-wisdom. As coach, I am honored to help others to discover and follow their voices of wisdom, to live their dreams and to unleash their wildest gifts into the world.
Regardless of the relationship paradigm of choice, there are some great reminders woven into my experience that can apply to any conscious relationship paradigm. In poly, there’s a greater need for consciousness and communication because there are many paradigms and fewer cultural norms to guide the way. When matching with partners, it’s important to share similar expectations, dreams, aspirations, lifestyle choices and more. Structures and boundaries serve to create a safe container for expansion. These may include guidelines for dating others while honoring existing relationships. You may imagine the limitless potential here. As one poly-friend says, “Poly would be great if it weren’t for all the rules.” Still, as we evolve, structures, boundaries, self-awareness and communication are keys to creating safe space for riding the waves of expansion, love, and bliss. Jealousy is part of the human condition, and acknowledging the intensity of feelings that can come up and working through them in a conscious way can be so honoring, rewarding, and ultimately freeing.
A soulmate is the person who makes your soul grow the most. ~ Caroline Myss
I feel blessed by all I’ve experienced and by those who came to me as amazing teachers. I am grateful for the magic, the deepest expressions of love, and even for the sleepless nights of angst and discovery. Amazingly, I feel more empowered and more in love than ever before in my life. I am willing to embrace even more magic, love and expansion in my existing relationships. I consciously align my choices to make it so, and I fully accept responsibility for the essence of my creations in relationship and in all areas of life.
Affirmation: I make my own way in the world, feeling confident, competent and autonomous, at the same time that I enjoy loving, supportive relationships.
Perhaps you may want to revisit this re-blogged post by Robert JR Graham once more, “Fourth-Density Relationships,” , just to see what concepts may resonate with you as you create your unique path of consciousness in relating. This is your life. You get to choose and to create what works best for you. If you’re curious or want to know more about anything I’ve shared, I welcome you to ask me anything.
What deepest Truth within you desires bigger expression?
How would you articulate your relationship paradigm?
What outside-the box expressions of love might you desire to explore?
Who are you becoming in the context of your own relationships?
How might you express deeper consciousness in your relating?
How will you honor your relationship with your higher-self today?
What would love have you do today?